LYRICS

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EXOSKELETONS FOR CHILDREN (album)


Pando

Wearing the attire of the wolf king, which is nothing
trying to remember where we keep the knives
mapping out the way to the kitchen countertop
with all eyes shut after midnight

found a piece of evidence that i've been here before
i've been truly terrified of every single phone call
got a pill box for my demon's baby teeth
no matter the wedding dress, i'll wear them underneath

I am walking to the bloodshed to get the blood shovel
i wanna make friends with the local witch coven
if you're happy and you know it, check again
when you got enemies like us you don't need friends
 
don't you know i heard it through the heart line
how much longer do i wait until we're alright?
got bad reception in our neck of the woods
so maybe they won't find us. good.

There are no monsters left under the bed
we used their bones to build the thing
stuff the mattress with bullet proof vests
and next month, just let us sleep in
and we lie here in summer, naked and laughing
in nights when we're not haunted by ghosts
fear is a business and we're self-sufficient
our love is a fresnel lens that spins and spins and spins
and spins somewhere on the coast.

wearing a three-piece suit like the dude on top of the cake
wearing sequins that move like leaves
we expand like the trembling giant
gracefully, trying to get a fucking grip
i know i grow nails for a number of reasons
i know i lose faith for about the same
we claw our way out of the hunting season
we're still here and we know all their names
we slide the twine through the eye
move top to bottom and left to right
turn the foxhounds upside down
cross borders underground
we don't care 'bout no uniform or protocol
we grow on both sides of the wall
carve your names into our skins a couple of times
we don't give a shit, we just multiply.


Exoskeletons For Children

Your home taught me to smile wide
and show all my teeth
display anything vaguely sugary
your home is a churning in the stomach
an unrest in the chest
your home is straight out of central casting
there is a lot of space for mediocre white men

you are sharpening our picket fence
you say it's to defend ourselves
the family room is like a lion's mouth
I like what you did with the place, 
you really made it ours.
we live in a haunted house of mirrors
I pay good money for my room
I pay in blood for this womb
but i tiptoe through my own kitchen
there are scary things around
wearing human costumes

let's build exoskeletons for children
let them know we got their backs
let them know we got their noses
let them know we got their pinkies ’til they crack

so, I am building a brand new ruin
and what you've been doing?
that year I spent all summer on bloody knees
taking pebbles from graves
tangled up in possibilities
getting the ringing in my ears engraved
and once you open your eyes it'd hard to unsee
that the stains stains stains are everywhere.
There's significance
in stabbing someone with a pencil
there's ignorance
in every brick of the home
there's brilliance
in the unsentimental
there's brilliance
in the unsentimental
(and we're outta here
we name ourselves
and we tattoo it under the skin of our hands)

let's build exoskeletons for children
let them know we got their backs
let them know we got their noses
let them know we got their pinkies til they crack.

 

Being A Person

I'm sweaty and i'm hopeful on a summer night
i read the news and shouldn't think things will be alright
the stripes on your shirt remind me of something long ago
maybe the pattern of the carpet of an airport floor or...i don't know.
in the future our shoes will no longer give us blisters
and everyone will know the correct anatomy of the clitoris
whether or not we should get a new phony gadget
whether or not we will be forgiven for our sins.

and you know, being a person, it really fucks you up.
but something here feels right, i think we might both be alive.

i refuse to believe that big plans will work out
so i knock on every single wooden surface in town
it's the anxiety percussion symphony
it's a highly abstract piece of music.
I gotta gotta get to the bottom of this
find the prize in the fucking cereal box, it's hit or bliss
i'll fix this world, I'll make it right for us
I'll make nice people out of all those assholes.
you get a special kind of scar when you grow up in a zoo
where there's a different kind of elephant in every single room.
we fed the holy spirit with bread crumbs
and we watched it shit on all our things
sometimes i imagine the westboro baptist church picketing our funerals
and i hope no one else will.

and i am sitting on the corner of church and state avenue
i am balancing five cents on the tip of my shoe
there's a sign out in the yard with a clumsily painted dove
saying something heartfelt and generic about love.
like:
you know, being a person, 
it really fucks you up.
but something here feels right
i think we might both be alive.
(you know being a person, it really fucks you up for life)
you know, being a person, 
it really fucks you up.
but something here feels right
i think we might both be alive.
 

Relaxation Contest

hey, hello, i'm outside your house.
i'm on the sidewalk in my battle gear waiting for you to come out
i bought a six pack and some pretzel sticks and the second cheapest wine
i know it's been a while.
my doctor said the other week no scream time before bed
and i tried but i gotta admit since that moment i've hardly slept
won't you come out and be on my team? 
i'll find a dangerous new sport we won't participate in.

I forgot to look as old as i am
next to the burning bathroom garbage can
teeth and nails for my coffin lid
can't get the newscast out of my head
by the tracks where nothing grows
all of us. juxtaposed.
sanding each other's lacquer off
is an okay metaphor for love.
This pain is an old fashioned gazette
got burn marks from cigarettes
this love is a jar of medicine
sometimes it ain't good for anything.
got friends my age who live in graves
got brains that often misbehave
got milk in all my fever dreams
and i am bursting, bursting at the seams.
don't call me by me old names
don't tell me i am somebody else.

Where do all the moles go when we make mountains out of mole hills?
been asking myself things like this ever since i'm off those pills
went on the scenic tour along the edge around the abyss that is
having to say „don't trust the police“ to little kids
i was a lucky bastard with a passport and shady memberships
i got all the shit (shit, shit) i'd ever want and more right at my fingertips
saw a photo of you from a long time ago, i remembered that day
i was just wondering if you also have trouble staying sane.
hey, hello. tell me just one good thing before i lose control.
hey, hello. tell me just one good thing before i lose control.


Turmoil & Wonder

I don't know shit about stars and to my knowledge
they are nothing but holes in a big black bubble
so you and i who can't get out
can at least get some air to breathe.
i don't know shit about you and to my knowledge
you are nothing but a hole in my big bubble
so i, myself, who can't get out
can at least get some air to breathe.

I'm gonna tell you that i love you
sunday morning on a numbers station
in code written all over our faces
in lemon juice on cigarette papers
in carefully arranged flickers in between phosphenes
in murmurations, in coffee stains.

we never have enough arms, never have enough time
i got a serious problem with imagination
it's been fucking with my mind
it's been keeping me up at night
wondering where the tremors went, following the fireflies
on my bicycle around the bend
into the pit and up again
i want to open you up and crawl into your skin.

i am 90% sampling machine and 5% mirrors
and all the remaining parts are mostly xeroxed.
you're 80% brass section, 10% tornado
the rest is an array of things i am sort of afraid of.
i am running a pseudocide hotline out of my basement
i'm good at explaining what we're good at pretending
you're awfully quiet for someone with such loud eyes
i am asking the cards for advice, i am trying on sadness for size
it's all turmoil and wonder
it's all pseudo silence
it's all turmoil and wonder
it's all pseudo silence

we never have enough arms
we never have enough time
i got a serious problem with imagination
it's been fucking with my mind
it's been keeping me up at night
wondering where the tremors went, following the fireflies
on my bicycle around the bend
into the pit and up again
i want to open you up and crawl into your skin.


All Caps

(you got a heart like a can of worm holes.)

we were driving down from mercury when the radio broke
you were still such a goddamn long way from home
i kicked the dashboard hard 29 times and turned every knob
for a second there was static.

i never saw so many stars at night when i still lived on earth
nobody down there tells you being lost out here's got its perks
sat by the side of the road to take a breath
told you sometimes i dream that your ribcage caves in on your heart

and i wake up in a cold sweat
i suppose this is what you get
when you train your brain to be an acrobat
and the last thing i ever said to you was your name in all caps, in all caps.

i’d like to meet you again at the personal space bar for a glass of lemonade
i can sit on the other side of the room with my numbers about mortality rates
got coins for the jukebox, i heard they got some classic static
i'll pretend that i can dance to this, it's nothing short of magic
they can say what they want bout pushing up daisies, i've been seeing a lot of you lately
mostly in other people's faces, the ways they move through crowded spaces.
what's closer, jordan or styx?
dive down for the heck of it
it's all just water, it's warmer than i expected
connect, connect, connect.

and i wake up in a cold sweat
i suppose this is what you get
when you train your brain to be an acrobat
and the last thing i ever said to you was your name in all caps, in all caps.

the last damn thing, then they cut the strings
and my insides break and they float downstream
the last damn word is just broken noise
water washes over soft-spoken boys
we don't pick up when it rings and rings
there's no good in what this ringing means
the last damn thing, the last damn thing
come on, abyss, take this wedding ring.


Fuel

There's no rest for the crickets for the crickets are like the troubled sea
they've been carrying my troubles, all that trouble's carried me
in my rocking chair out front with a book across my knees
in my land-locked paradise men don't fall far from the trees
i heard a symphony last night, summer's owls and cicadas
i heard the ground vibrate, humming like electric wires
humming like the end is nigh and the night is full or errors.
humming hopeful little lies grown into trembling adult tremors

and i swear it's getting better.
and i swear it's getting better.

so, the nails in the attic are patiently waiting to draw blood
i hear the snakes coming up from the basement
i am just waiting for the river to flood
for a life-sized tornado in a mid-sized paper cup
for the atlantic ocean in my infinity tub
simon says nothing of relevance, he says „put your hands up“
he keeps huffing and puffing and oh, simon can blow us
but simon can't blow this house down nor blow this house up.

and i swear it's getting better
to hell with this town
to hell with this weather.

humanity's my ultimate problematic favorite
i am sobbing and i savor it, it's fogging up my brainy bits
it logs into my private shit and just shrug and run with it
it's wanted for assault but wait, i am running low on battery.
leave the motor running when you pick me up tonight
throw a pebble at the window, second one from the right
they say ladies don't do what i do. well, i am glad they don't.
I hope they're busy getting shit done - if not with you, then on their own.
I was already screaming internally before i came into this world
they gave me a body of water, i gave them a body of work.
and i'm your girl, but remember i am my girl as well
when this is all over we'll build things back up ourselves
and don't get me wrong but you should get me a drink
because sometimes i crack up and then i crumble
and then i fuck up, i am a bad example
and then i fall apart and i need fuel to think.

at the end of the road
where this town ends
but people don't.

 

Mistakeism

i’m gonna be the girl in the box
the magician's assistant
dismembered every night by a bunch of foul tricks
I'm thinking next year in the presidential election
maybe i can vote for the mighty rat king!
i connect the bullet holes and see no picture
way too many bullet holes to begin with
got an elaborate plan not to belong anywhere
but i am stuck in a shoe box at the end of the street.

so, my new religion is strict mistakeism
a rule book of close calls and near misses
in a month or two i could be the high priestess
but i'll be gone, watching things burn from a distance
i got here wearing a coat made from other people's fingers
i'll exit wearing nothing but my own soft shell
maybe i could be a hermit or a snail if i want to
as long as i look like a  gazelle

got stuck on a guilt trip on board of a friend ship
i forgot who i was floating down the canal
as an ice berg breaking into smaller and smaller pieces
i am aging as an act of rebellion
taking up space is my first million
i am collecting your unpopular opinions
got them locked away to protect the civilians
it's not my job to proof i am resilient.

i was sold night terrors as light errors
terrified of settling down and sleeping
tell me i'm not the only one
always checking twice
if the sleeping ones are still breathing
wouldn't hold my breath I won't choke on being broke
with a cracked heart and a shattered jaw bone
gotta be an escape artist to break the glass ceiling
if it's really all six sides of the aquarium.
It might be all six sides of the aquarium.
I think it's all six sides of the aquarium.


Clutter

where does your road rage go when there are no streets?
your sunday best is my worst case scenario
clutter the floor with love, come on, cover it
let there be no space for this hatred to crash.

so, everything outside these four walls
is just as unpredictable as what we got
but still, most of the time you're the one carrying the guns
and we are not.

and time flies when you're a regular person
doing nothing in particular
except a jump to the left
and then a step to the right
and then a step to the right
let's do the time warp again

turn on the lights where it hurts.
It hurts everywhere.

and i lean against the door like a tired church steeple
swallowing the sparrow, one of many
that had flown from my tongue that spring
out onto 7th avenue, singing
and maybe we just woke up from a strange dream
with our foremothers saying
our love is bursting at the seams
who are we to keep it in?

turn on the lights where it hurts.
And it hurts everywhere.
and we march steadily, steadily, down main street.


Some of My Best Friends Are Windows

i got the eye on the prize, it says 9,99
i am searching for cash in my pockets
but i'm running out of time
i am late for the deadline
i'll be late for dying
i'll be late to my own funeral
i'll get a medal for trying
i got a weapon! I got a tool and it's a weapon!
i got a weapon, i got the keys to my house and my heart between my knuckles
learned this from a book when i was twelve
it said, „it's gonna be ugly out there girl, be prepared.“

In the harbor they are hanging up dead fish by the gills
you put the heater in the hallway to chase out the chills
winters by the mountains won't work without vitamin pills
only winters by the seaside will
i am one sixteenth siren on my father's side
still it's all my fault when ships collide
but i upload my mellow melancholia straight into the raincloud
and let it rain down

and all my sisters have been called liars
and all my sisters have been called hysterical
and all my sisters are too angry, they say
that's right, they're furious and they're coming your way.
turns out the scars on their arms make them look striped like tigers
they show their teeth to the world like world class fighters

some of my best friends are windows
they open up and i see right through them
and i climb through their frames
and fall three stories to the pavement
some of my enemies are steel doors
they open up and i see right through them
and i walk out on the fire escape and run
because i'm always behind on payments
to a hollow body with a fresh haircut
and a closet full of clean suits
made of teflon and lube
you aced the psychopath test, congratulations!
we've been defining success in a peculiar fashion.

and all my sisters have been called liars
and all my sisters have been called hysterical
and all my sisters are way too angry, they say
that's right, they're furious and they're coming your way.
and maybe we can't zip it
but we can zip ourselves up up up up up.


Hate Cake

i can give you a problem if you need one
and a solution, it's easy.
you need to sacrifice something, baby
come on, eat your hate cake, gobble up the whole plate, happy birthday.

you're so angry because we're close to the outlet
or out of the closet or still sitting cross-legged
by the dinner table at 31, 32, 33, 34, 35
because we're happily married or long dead and buried
because it's unbearable we're still having fun.

we just dodged a bullet, dislodged and hooded
dirty and bookish, grieving and crooked
awake and good looking, foul-mouthed, fuck it.
You say we're obnoxious, our jack doesn't do boxes
i'll write it in cross stitch for the archive of foxes.

cool story, babe, now make me a sand castle
unburn the witches make the fire stop faster
if you turn women into shapes like i learned from men when i was younger
take a long hard look at ourselves, our hunger brought us here
my prefrontal cortex is a plughole vortex
this stumbling fortress enters rigor mortis
pulled me out here with forceps, a living breathing corpus
they shot us right through the heart. oh my, how we all did our part
now by the abyss mall fountain i am slowly drowning
eating a donut, puking through the hole
things got a bit out of control
but we'll make a new glass coffin for snow white, this time it's tinted.
I value my privacy, it's almost vintage
from the comfort of your own home
you can watch the world fall into pieces

i can give you a problem if you need one
and a solution, it's easy
you need to sacrifice something, baby
come on, eat the hate cake, gobble up the whole plate, happy birthday.


Nocturnal

making a home in the corridor
between the apartments on the second floor
i'll cover the walls in major chords. 
Just let me know when you're going home.

Let me know when you're leaving town.
I learned to pack supplies for those who travel on
i know it ain't right but that's all i can do now
just let me know when you're leaving town.

I dive deep down when the tide comes up
got your membership card for your new club
you'll never grow bitter because you'll never grow old
on your way out of town you'll wear a blindfold.

Is it too much to ask to stop all the clocks
for the wicker basket or the pine box?
any room of the house can be your cenotaph
i'll send you departure through a polygraph.

You can take all that's mine.


Paradox

our milk carton child the apocalypse
a glorified guillotine strapped to our heads
some wine fueled nights we look up and get a grip
but there's no string, there's no skin on our fingertips

getting uncomfortable around here, it's the least i can do.
i built a house in paradox just for us to break into
the whole town is out in their sunday shoes
to tiptoe around the fuse

and we burn it all down
we raise it up
turn it around

there's a knife fight in the street, i bring yarrow and sage
i don't know how this works but so far no one's complaining
i got matchsticks in my slacks, i want my cut of the empire
what a time to be alive, what a time to be a liar

and we burn it all down
we raise it up
turn it around
and we burn it all down
we raise it up
burn it all down.

 

UNPLEASANT DESIGN (EP)

UNPLEASANT DESIGN

Sea foam green is the car
driving circles in the parking lot
maybe someone's learning how to go nowhere
i'm surprised they don't already know
this town will never be mine
it gets great marks for unpleasant design
spikes on benches so you can't nap
unless you're dead inside and you just don't give a fuck.

Drunk teenage girls by the train station
on tuesday afternoon for no apparent reason
i'd join them, i too am just scraping by
but there's no way i can scream that high
my sibling's legs are long and tough
they can always take the shortcut
i never really studied the map
i just pretended none of it was there

life is small
who gave you
permission to expand beyond the bus station
fuck everything you might have heard
these words are slurred and absurd

i perfected the death stare
i learned it from grandmother downstairs
but every time i leave this place
i leave it right there.
Next to the tupperware
i turned on you in '06
i know secretly you're into it
if i make it somewhere else
the further away, the bigger the prize

Sea foam green is the car
driving circles in the parking lot
maybe someone's learning how to go nowhere
i'm surprised they don't already know


GUNK

Our wallet is on fire in a trash bin of desires
„pay me!“ says my letter head
but i don't write to anyone these days
i hear whistling from the second floor
i sharpen knives behind the bedroom door
half my friends who watch the news
say they won't talk to men no more
and fireworks are such a waste
but words leave a rotten aftertaste
like dog whistles you might not have heard
the things that have been said
someone's been tickling the neighborhood
looking for questionable brotherhoods
the basements have been shaking
oozing glop and gunk and pus and goo
i use the elevator in emergencies
life's an accelerator for uncertainties
i need a bank account for surgeon's fees
cause i'm an incubator for baby feet
breaking bread by the ocean's shore
throwing it in like it's cereal
eating it up with my tiny spork
while they come after me with flaming pitchforks
not sure what's up or down or what is what
been questioning things between hiccups
and when my favorite shows are buffering
i make a little time for suffering


i woke up once sweating pumpkin soup
i lost all comfort and all comfort food
i do my best to sound trivial
but we have done things that are unforgivable.
they're backpedaling on history
i see an upcoming whiplash injury
got shiny streamers on my bicycle
i'd like to think i'm still excitable
things are raging in the underground
you can see them on our annual ultrasounds

happy new year, unhappy dears
the old one can go die between trauma shears.
it was a wild ride and i'm still throwing up
someone says i'm just gonna have to live with that
heard those old men's jokes from our own fathers
you can have a greeting card playing canned laughter
somone stabbed someone with a pencil
sometimes the news seem strangely existential
they survived but they're still in ICU
got a novel written on their scar tissue:
Our wallet is on fire in a trash bin of desires
„pay me!“ says my letter head
but i don't write to anyone these days


DISPENSER BOX (EP)

DISPENSER BOX

i'd rather not spend this life jumping
from a box to a box to a grave
should i let sleeping dogs lie to me
just to be safe? 
if i was an animal, i'd be the elephant in the room
when i grow up i'm gonna be an avalanche, and i'll grow up soon
i got a weapon. 
i got the keys to my heart and my house between my knuckles. 
they say any old street could be my armageddon. 

now i am mostly pipelines and storage room
cavities and pictures of the moon
and i was told i live just like the sea
with a whole ocean inside of me
we enlarge and we deflate
have nightmares and masturbate
can't get rid of the aftertaste
of all dumb things lost and misplaced
and we are lying in bed
making up metaphors for metaphors
we can get a family value pack of scar tissue
in a handy dispenser box
we learned that misery is a pyramid scheme
and that love, love, love is an ancient god, a fever dream. 

we tried to trick death by laughing in its face
but we couldn't find its eyes so we got stuck on the way
we learned that dying is contagious and it ain't even free
and that fear grows the more your eyes can see

we learned there's no happily ever after
it's mostly a sales strategy
and there's no movement in forever
it will shoot you in the knee. 
now i come with all the bells and whistles and shits and giggles
you want me to smile when i walk by? oh, please. 

(we're lying. we're lying to the ancient gods) 

and we are lying in bed
making up metaphors for metaphors
you can get a family value pack of scar tissue
in a handy dispenser box
we learned that misery is a pyramid scheme
and that love, love, love is an ancient god, a fever dream.


CATERPILLARS

you got a nosebleed and I am under the bedsheets
waiting for something to go wrong around here. 
when you think that it's easy you don't know that between
the zero and the one there's a hole, a whole eternity. 
i like my hair clipper, now I have a buzz cut. 
if you come by my tower I guess you'll have to take the stairs. 
you lost your glass slipper but you bought nice sneakers
so let's get drinks and chat about that time a talking frog was hitting on me. 

there's a glass ceiling on this transparent coffin
when we got a hammer it is really nothing
and is this feeling in my stomach butterflies? 
must have eaten caterpillars all my life

i talked to the magic mirror
i said it needed to be clearer
we sang and danced with the dishes
and the cupboards in the kitchen
we were drunk out of our minds
and we were doing fine
i made a joke about water
i said, “oh, well, well, well...” 

we're pick-up artists, yes, we're both excellent pick-me-ups
we're stick-up artists, stole each other's body parts
here's a box of chocolates in the shape of a blood pump
here's a greeting card that includes the word “hump”.




DESERT (EP)


3 MINUTES FOR A DETUNED DIORAMA

in the time of every detuned thing coming forward only to fade back inyou got no money, you’re still alive you’ll spend everything on plane tickets til the day you die. and when you got nothing nice to say don’t say anything that doesn’t truly help to overthrow the king. bring me the head of the past, i want to see it. how big is the monster looking over your shoulder? how big is the river in which you are the boulder? i wish my heart would manage to grasp it all. i take it in, i take it in, i take it in, i take it in (i need it, i need it) one at a time.i put sugar on everything. in the time of every little breath being one/two/three mississippi closer to death and in the time of wrapping heads round poles and watching them dance, what will come nobody knows but i’ll run with you, i take the chance. but dear, the skeleton always smiles. as if there was something funny about the afterlife.


KNOT TWO

where are the lines, the lines that need to be crossed to get over lethe or jordan or whatever they’re called? they’ve sung about freedom in a fantastic song and it’s in a car commercial, i knew i’ve heard it before. where our fingers form feathers fires burn, words are lost. i thought i wanted to live in this shine and this gloss and i tried loving in here and ended up buying booze and in come the sexed up amazons and out go the dumbed-down news. i won’t toy with these lines that cement in no time, i rehearse every curse on construction sites first, i twist my neck - clickediclack - before you crack my bones and i throw three cheat sheets to where the wind blows. don’t tell me you’re not more than just a cloud in the shape of a cloud in the shape of a sticky note that says „please don’t go“ 
i want bear hugs and new drugs and plugs for our heart machines, bridges through kitchens and food for our fever dreams, providers of all kinds of kindness and shenanigans, we can do what we want and we can make any plans. the present is present as a present for ourselves and i tried my best to scatter pieces of my breath on your bookshelves and we could be all kinds of crazy, we might already be and we could be all kinds of magic if that’s what we need and we could be all kinds of light-footed if we wanted to. we could be liars, we could tell the truth and we might have learned not to want any strings attached to this but we got ropes and vines and wires tied to every single fucking heartbeat. 
there’s a ship coming, going to where i belong. 
don’t tell me you’re not more than just a cloud in the shape of a cloud in the shape of a sticky note that says „please don’t go“.


DESERT PACIFIC OCTOPI

the desert is a strange place to be when you’re looking for an ocean on your knees. i’ve come all this way, so i guess i’ll stay, there is an explanation for everything. the desert is a strange place to go but the buses stop anywhere the wind blows. i saw a helicopter fly towards an unfamiliar glow in the evening sky and all the while you were looking at me with your solar eclipse eye. desert pacific octopi. how long did you look for hidden messages in what i wrote? part of me wishes you never really stopped. part of me wishes you never really stopped. the desert is a lost place for those who get so terribly distracted by empty rooms but they built houses just in time to collect our precious lives on mantlepieces all over town. I watch the holes in the skyline like the gaps in the wave form where i give the song time. i learned. i got such a big backpack. it is pulling me down. but it’s kinda where i am now, it’s kinda where i come from. rooftops are dripping with words they have written in times when their hearts and the cities were smitten and the parking lot where we secretly met holds the imprint of our fingertips when the concrete was wet and my lips are sewn shut and my hips are boulders for ships that won’t come to crash on my bones. i run to where the stray dogs won’t find me, where the broadcast breaks off, where the darkness and the ocean align. and all the while you were looking at me with your solar eclipse eye. desert pacific octopi.


SLEDGE HAMMER

howling storms, sirens, hurricanes at four in the morning when i come down the hall, down the hallway and 77 steps up the spiral staircase oh where are we going and what do you want from me? you say i need to sleep and my bones are stretching. someday it will get better, until then it’s just gonna get worse. 
when i grow up all the kings will come down from their thrones. when i grow up the sirens will come and repair my bones. i hear your voice in the faucets, down corridors and the howls wash through the floors. you say every time i try to turn i will fall. see, we come running and see, we will show. we’ll burn this house down while you’re tied to its walls while everybody howls. and when i grow up, yeah, when my bones have stopped growing, when i grow up, yeah, i’ll be like a feather and when i grow up, yeah, when my bones have stopped growing, when i grow up, yeah, i’ll be a sledge hammer.


THESE SIDES AFFECT

i heard you’re not listening to me when i talk. you know everything better than i ever could. but i am here now with my suitcase and very little patience for blame and when i leave one of these days i hope neither of us will still be the same.

i take everything with a side of you and all the side effects of staying, too. i’ll spend these days as the reigning queen of all the ladies in your magazines. if i want to cover them up, you ask and laugh. i need to cover your thoughts with things i’m thinking of, dear.

“girls will be girls”, you say. that’s just a lazy excuse not to talk about this world. “and boys will be boys”, you say. that’s just a lazy excuse to raise idiots and i am not just making a fuss. this is always about us.

we can make all the mistakes we want but don’t show me your palms to say you got no bad intentions. just because we both were raised thinking we must not fail and there’s only one right answer. there’s no injury that heals as slow as those little holes that words drill into souls.
pack your bag, dear. you need to get out of here.

“girls will be girls”, you say. that’s just a lazy excuse not to talk about this world. “and boys will be boys”, you say. that’s just a lazy excuse to raise idiots and i am not just making a fuss. this is always about us.


 

SOFT INVASIONS (album)


DUST

bring me a new excuse to lay a trail in your streets. bring me a soft invasion, i’ll provide the sea and the ships. and in the morning bring me the dust. in the morning bring me the dust. bring me my seven league boots and our balance so we won’t stumble. bring me your five fingers, they say there’s luck in odd numbers. in the morning bring me the dust. in the morning bring me the dust. bring me my packed suitcase and all our favorite words. bring me my library, our books of fishes and birds. in the morning bring me the dust. in the morning bring me the dust.


CRYING SWIMMERS

this here never happened. the catastrophe was only made up by everybody involved at the scene and everybody on television. i can never tell you how grateful i am that nothing is real, give me food give me drinks, explain to me how i feel. did you get to see it all? did you get to dress up pretty? did you get to touch their hips? with all your heart or just a little? did you get to live in a movie? did you get to get things done? did you get to save up time and luggage for better better times to come? we can never be one. scene two, postcard beach. i got the past and the present pinned down in binaries. we never thought about endings, we could not comprehend. we thought time will stop just because we’re holding hands. i came unarmed with the knowledge that every tool could be my weapon. i came undone in a river with no rocks to step on. pebbles turn to cobblestones the way you hold them, honey. there will be a time we could be better citizens if it weren’t for the money. just wait until high tide. to each shore its tiny flood. as if the ocean said if it could take us back, it would. all the things i don’t give a shit about i dump into the sea. in the blink of an eye it’s gonna spit back at my kids and me and i hold on, i curl up where i belong and i belong wherever you are, i’m hungry, i’m wrong. we sleep with interwoven limbs and knots in handkerchiefs. i’m sorry i cannot leave.


OPEN WATER RECKLESS FISHES

it doesn’t get much darker than this. riding the train through the abyss. left all the good ones behind. not because i wanted to but because it was time. i’ve come a long way. not let’s just lie here, tell me how it’s like far out at sea. but you can’t get to the point so i doubt that i can give you all of me but we let ships collide. but we let ships collide. i jump into the water. every time i do it’s not even cold. so i just float on my back and i try not to do what i am told and i watch you as you want your god to watch over you but you’d like to choose what he’s allowed to see. you remove your sign of religion, he may see you drink but he shouldn’t see me. i look back into the country where i empty my head while it keeps being refilled with a million different people running on bad coffee and air conditioning and if you tell me your story i might even tell you mine but i might need to get off real soon, i always take the seat in the aisle. but then tonight we let our ships collide. we let our ships collide. we let our ships collide.


DOMINO

if my body’s made of water your body’s made of cash. i can’t deny it makes me angry to see us go to waste. i chose seaside and breakdown in the city made of light and without you i’m not only okay but alright. this reminds me of the way they kicked my love into the sea. the sea shot fishes at our houses and the houses shot at me and i took all my things and ran, i lived on trains and trams and i said “yes” to everything. light a candle with a forest, light the forest with your breath while they sign contracs for lovers with fingers crossed behind their backs and the little bit of wisdom i gained over the years is lost on us, raised on fairytale ideas. these rooms will vanish when we go away. the walls will crumble but our pictures will stay. and the mirrors keep our reflections through the struggles and the fights and without you i’m not only okay but alright. how will we ever know if this was real or just a conclusion of being exposed to billboards telling us what we are supposed to do? we’re asking ourselves if we knew all the ways we can kiss if we hadn’t previously seen it on television. i’m the copy of a copy of a copy of a woman. you’re the copy of a copy of a copy of a guy. but the way we behaved towards each other makes me think that even this could be a lie. i part us with a knife, i look all the way inside and say, “without you i’m not only okay but alright”.


LEGENDS

when i am king you’re gonna build me a time machine because at night i can’t let go of those dreams. the whatifs are still strangling me. and with this ring i married the city on islands with white tiled floors and this is where we only went exploring and this is where we never got lost. if i was still a girl i’d make you get on your knees and work. if i was still a bird i’d make you shoot me down from the sky, haven’t you heard? i’m almost gone. and i’m blinded by our stories like i’m blinded by daylight. and i number the pages. i make up words where our languages fail me. i let in the water when the rivers come to visit. i let in the storm if the fire’s strong enough, listen, i let in the past we painted in a vivid truth. i want us to become legends among fishes and wolves. if i was still a girl i’d make you get on your knees and work. if i was still a bird i’d make you shoot me down from the sky, haven’t you heard? i’m almost gone.


A.A.A.

“time comes in particles” someone once said and this is what i remember, this is how my brain works. you got all the facts and i got all the useless details. if i believe in anything i’d pray to the gods of injuries to stay out of our lives, except in times like these. i put ships on rails, we put ourselves on trains, you put your trust into the world, i put my hand where it’s safe. my words form knots, your words form figure eights. i’d like to multiply horizons from battlefields to the stage. who will we be the next time we meet? with our cracked cuticles and our sharp teeth. all things hidden in the mouth of the wolverine. all things playful and mean. i got my bridges built. you won’t become numb, i won’t stay the same. if i try hard enough i can cry paper planes and we’ll connect the dots in the history books and you’ll see the bigger picture, i’ll shrink down the greater good. we keep our fingers crossed all the way through the evening news. i promise ankle anthems sitting drunk on the kitchen floor. so let’s bite our lips and grab our wrists and sing. i think a storm is moving in. so watch out for our favorite apocalypse. and who will we be the next time we meet? with our cracked cuticles and our sharp teeth? all things hidden in the mouth of the wolverine. all things hidden and mean. can you do me a favor? can you do me a favor? can you give me one cent for everything that doesn’t make any sense? can you do me a favor? i could be a rich woman by now.


BLOODBATHS FOR BIRDS

the ticking of the clock was tap tap tapping against the insides of my skull while i heard the neighbors moaning on the other side of the wall and i rocked back and forth on the edge of the bed trying to keep my insides in and for a second i thought i felt the imprint of your fingers like tiny burn marks on my skin. remember the feverish night i dreamt of the machine that makes planets for parallel galaxies our of plasticine? i forgot about the worries that keep me busy on weekends and i got the fortune cookie that says i’ll always be a true friend. but oh how i want you to undress for me and oh how bored i’d be if you did and i can’t risk this, i’d just stare and shug and say, “i’m sorry, i can’t think of anything better to do for the both of us.” “pose for me” she said, “come on closer to me” she said, “come on pose for me”, she said. “this is all that i can get and this is all i really want, i want your heartbeat like a drum, i want your heartbeat like a drum for a short and sweet song.” i drank the whole glass of milk because i knew it would make me sick. i ate the pigeon and the rabbit, afraid of your magic tricks. and i blew out all the candles, i poured the wine into the ground. when you talk i just smile and turn up the music real loud. but oh how i want you to undress for me and oh how bored i’d be if you did and i can’t risk this, i’d just stare and shug and say, “i’m sorry, i can’t think of anything better to do for the both of us.”


Z-E-P-H-Y-R

there’s a certain concentration of freedom between stations or what i consider freedom in these fenced-in glass walls. what we learned from the movies when we were in our pre-teens turned out to be just the echo of an imprint of a call and i meant to read two novels on my way out to the west but i only read the essays with the note on the first page and all i wanted to write about quickly left the scene after finding a hole big enough in the air conditioning. oh…be my home. i forget when i’m on the road. and i woke up every morning not knowing where i was and if the white outside was snow or salt or painted on the glass. i feed off simple stories and your memories about wars and i was staring at the scenery not remembering what cities are for. when i got out of the train at midnight in the middle of it all, i felt the cold in my feet and the smoke in my lungs and i ran up and down the platform measuring the train like a weirdly lined-up village doomed to be always travelling. z-e-p-h-y-r be my home. i forget my one true love when i’m on the road. cut the darkness with a plastic fork, it will swallow us whole. there are no cars in the distance and no voices on the phone. everybody’s conquered the prairie just like ma & pa and i’ve had one too many conversations about america. i remember the nothing shrinking down in size and seeing not more than if i hadn’t opened my eyes and having dreams about tidal waves and all of us in tiny boats. i remember sitting in a hotel room thinking my head was about to explode. z-e-p-h-y-r be my home. i forget my one true love when i’m on the road.


HIPS & ENVELOPES

you couldn’t know what it feels like to brush your heart in a crowded subway car with the scars on my thighs. i got the sound of the sun in my system. you think you got a solution for silence and a solution for distance. with my heart that i bury fifty miles from my body with my heart that i bury right across the border with my heart that i carry in a shoebox in a cage with my heart kicking your ribs again and again and again. if this is what they call the essence how come we’re all so fucking restless? watch us both rattle our chains in the sunset. i saw the ads on television trying to sell competition as romance. with my heart that i bury fifty miles from my body with my heart that i bury right across the border with my heart that i carry in a shoebox in a cage with my heart kicking your ribs again and again and again. and they say that we are lucky, we have love in our pockets. they say i should keep your heart, it might be a good start. they say i’ll know my place. take that spoon, have a taste of the wonderful life. they say that we are lucky, we have love in our pockets and we let it unfold, push hips and envelopes and we know this ain’t the movies so come on come on let’s go go go go go go go. if this is a war it’s us against them all. if this is a trick they already got us by our necks. if this is a stickup we got the crazy and the wicked. if this is a call to arms that’s what we’re here for. and they say that we are lucky, we have love in our pockets. they say i should keep your heart, it might be a good start. they say i’ll know my place. take that spoon, have a taste of the wonderful life. they say that we are lucky, we have love in our pockets and we let it unfold, push hips and envelopes and we know this ain’t the movies so come on come on let’s go go go go go go go.


BIG HOUSES

prayer is the bell jar you put over this goodbye. i’d rather leave this embrace between you and i. let’s lock out the bearded old man in the night gown. he can tap against the glass but i’m not coming out. i build bridges with these arms, i will not build a fortress. in the circle around the kitchen table i say my “amen” because i feel blessed. secretly hoping while joining hands that you can’t feel my trembling fingertips. if i sign this piece of paper do i sell my soul along with my duties? we won’t put our money where your catholic mouth is. even though the teeth are long gone there’s still bone beneath the gums and there’s a lot of potential in a mighty organ. and they told us not to clap so we clap as loud as we can because the reverb in those holy halls is like a long lost friend. he keeps hitting the walls and comes all the way back again. i want trees instead of gravestones and nothing to confess. i got a soft spot for your ancient books of horror stories. i got a music in my ears from long long ago and far far away and i still hum its tune but how could i ever believe every word it says to me? we follow our own steps while our shadows keep watching us. the wrong step would be not to start this exodus.


RIFLE SCISSOR STONE

“hate to say i told you so” said the scissor to the stone. “when you’re finished with me i’ll be sharper than i’ve ever been before.” “hate to say i told you so” said the snakebite to the bone. “i’ve worked all night on this, now i’m gonna push you off your throne”. i got to got to got to get all the fireworks framed. i can’t can’t sleep until the last lion is tame. i got to got to got to line up all our potential shotwounds. i can’t can’t can’t lie still until i know for sure that you and i ain’t doomed. “i think i never loved you more” said the pillow to the head. “let’s be honest, with all your late night guests you never got so intimate” “i think i never loved you more” said the rifle to the heart. “let’s be honest, no matter which way i turn it’s gonna be real hard to pull us apart”.



UNRELEASED / ON COMPILATIONS / ON COLLABORATIVE RELEASES

DISNEYLAND

give me a pen and a clipboard and some graph paper. Let’s make a list of things that we tend to forget, you can thank us later. Before i dress in distraction, before you dress in a pretty phrase i need to remember what’s important before the billboard swallows my face. I think we can all agree that we need remedies for diseases seperating our hearts from our brains. I know you might be the answer to my wishes and some more but what if what i wish is not what i need but what they told me to wish for? And how should i know the answers to the „what if“s and the „maybe“s? We can’t let the pressure to pin this down bring us to our knees. Now we can go for the good story or the safe option. I want the intersection of disneyland and self distruction. 
I think we could be compatible if it’s temporary. I think if we’re reasonable enough to keep it all together we will know that absolutely nothing lasts forever but if we’re smart enough we could be pretty fucking happy.
Don’t underestimate sisterhood, don’t underrate blood brothers. We need families with no connection to our forefathers. We need to talk until our heads hurt to understand it’s okay if i take all of you if they tell me just to take your hand. It’s okay to crash when we fall, to grab life by the balls because it’s our minds that need to change, not our legs and chests and hip bones. I think you should be on my team, i think you know what i mean. If you want a fraction of their „forever“ you could have it with me.
I think we could be compatible if it’s temporary. I think if we’re reasonable enough to keep it all together we will know that absolutely nothing lasts forever but if we’re smart enough we could be pretty fucking happy.


LIBRARY CARD

Broke a heart to the rythm of a highway
flew up high to the beat of a heart
oh, just like television showed me
in this kingdom of boys my rules don't apply anymore

and of all the wisdom in the atmosphere
how much should i breathe in?
"don't eat food that needs a television commercial"
and "teach your kids not to hate"
or: "don't expose your thighs if they're how your life made them"
and "here's a thing that costs the world
and it will slowly take you apart."

i wanna rely on myself not to hate me
i wanna rely on you not to hate yourself
i wanna rely on not dying at the hands of another
i want a bed, no poisoned food, love and a library card.

Last time i checked i was still fine and breathing
there is a world of money that wants me to feel bad
turns out they have all of the pretty solutions
and they'd rather have me crying and buying than happily laughing in their face.
Sunshine, i'm glad for you it's all nice and dandy.
Congratulations, you are living in the future, son.
Until i get there you won't find me first row waving when the king comes
i'll be somewhere in the back cutting the flagpoles down.

i wanna rely on disney not to fuck with my expectations
i wanna rely on my teachers to tell me the ugly truth
i wanna rely on not dying at the hands of another
i want a bed, no poisoned food, love and a library card.

I truly think you'd have better orgasms
if once for all you'd leave your sarcasm at home
and i heard that they say home is where the heart is
I know nothing makes sense anymore until you make your own.

I wanna rely on the so-called kindness of strangers
i wanna rely on us to see through the fog
i wanna rely on not dying at the hands of another
i want a bed, no poisoned food, love and a library card.


FEVER

Sometimes when you talk every syllable's like a flock of birds taking off
into watercolor clouds
and every single word takes us places we've never heard of

so come on
in this nothing
be my everything
be that something
in every song we sing
so come on
in this nothing
be my everything
be that something
in all our memories

all these concrete boxes one on top of the other
all of them lanterns at night
and i get so distracted by the emptiness of rooms, it came unexpected
saw them fade into the sky

so what should we do with this missing
except let it dig its nails deeper into the present
and what should we do with this fever
except let it come nearer

How close is closest
i'll take you in tiny doses
how near is nearest
for the fierce and the fearless?


ALL THE KINGS

when you come home to the place where i once lost you
where the trees outside our window are wrapped in blankets of fog
i will watch you breathe air into the fire
to keep the flames dancing on the ceiling all night long.
you were larger than life when you were flirting with dying
and there's no denying where you come from
and the snow kept crawling in through the cracks in the basement
when i wrapped our bodies into a wordless song

you'll come home
and i'll be with all the kings of the countries you wish you could call your home
and i'll be with all the kings

when you come home to the library of our history
i'll watch you read the footnotes i've added since you were gone
and i'll stand there in the doorway drawing lines onto the woodwork
to keep track of exactly how much we've grown
i can tell the universe has been playing tricks on us
i'll try to hear it in the way your voice has changed its tone
it's been a lifetime of sleep since i took notes on how
i've lived in dark rooms filled with skyscrapers
you've lived in deserts of stone.

you'll come home
and i'll be with all the kings of the countries you wish you could call your home
and i'll be with all the kings


TIN CAN TELEPHONE

Shake your ass baby, shake it so i can see that you mean what you mean, whatever that might be and give me one hollow smile, it will stay for a while and make me believe you're promising me something magic and free, some intimacy, cookie cutter memories, vacuum packed christmas trees. Shake your ass baby, i watch you dance on TV and i order everything that you're selling me but i'll take all my friends to the house at the end of the long winding road. Bring your winter coat and i think we can agree that this colony will be the place to be until we grow old. Shake your ass baby, it doesn't matter to me. I'll shake my own until we're all gone. Can we all live in peace, based on trust and if we leave we will always come back following each other's tracks? I'll unlock the door, throw the tv out the window, we got drinks in the fridge and dinner on the stove. And all that we really need will be some good stories that will connect our hearts like tin can telephones.