Someday This Will All Be Yours is a list of over 400 items describing what will be left to inherit for the next generation after the breakdown of civilization. The list itself is written in white marker in fifteen columns on four and a half meters of white paper covered in indian ink, mimicking a chalk board.
Pretending to be of utmost seriousness and importance due to its dystopian nature, the list changes its tone upon further inspection. Rather than being based on science and current world politics, it is based on linguistic and (pop)cultural association, rhymes, a hunger for repetition and absurdity and a love for the macabre. It is simultaneously funny and dead serious.
The deserted classroom sets the stage for this dystopian display of trivialities: like a red carpet or a catwalk it presents itself as a ground worthy for the next generation to walk upon while the school speakers play a recital of the list, spoken by a singular voice that ages dramatically in the course of thirteen minutes and accompanied by a strict rhythm that occasionally breaks out into a full dance track.
The audience is invited to take the list with them in audio form, as a light-hearted reminder that we are bringing the world to an end.

 

apres ski

garbage cans

dry markers

mile markers

skid marks

underpants

lung disease

iron lungs

submarines (sunken)

submarines (swimming)

Beatles records

revolvers

all the guns

gun shops

shoplifters

chair lifts

thrones

models of the Iron Throne

props

sugar pops

Pop Rocks (expired)

expired bus tickets

expired year passes to the aquarium

dead fish

toxic substances

nuclear waste

power plants

power naps

Milka Naps

milk (regular)

milk (non-fat)

milk (half-half)

milk (lactose free)

milk (oat)

milk (coconut)

milk (almond)

milk (soy)

milk (spelt)

milk (goat)

milk (sheep)

german shepherds

police cars

police headquarters

interrogation rooms

wrong ideas about police work

ACAB graffitis

graffiti removal tools

ladders

letters

emails

private information

naked photographs

outdated digital cameras

outdated ideals

women's magazines

shame

money

money printing facilities

factories

empty factories

robots

conveyor belts

anthropocenic minerals

dried paint stains

rubber tires

tire fires

apocalyptic television shows

cheap CGI effects

old television sets

The Cosby Show

untested rape kits

rapists on the loose

loose cannons

actual cannons

fortresses, medieval

fortress Europe

feelings of betrayal

everyone's ex-partner's possessions in shoe boxes

bad poetry

teenage diaries

diarrhea medicine (expired)

dietary plans

diabetes

clumps of sugar in old jars in humid places

mouldy walls

all the things nature supposedly reclaimed

abandoned houses

abandoned children

children's books

Fisher Price toys

land lines

telephones

ring tones

jingles for television ads

Jingle Bells in greeting cards (auto play)

bell boy uniforms

broken elevators

metal wires too old to use

Wire magazine subscriptions

houses full of stacks of newspapers

yesterday's news

all the cover versions of „Yesterday“

people still quoting „Imagine“

Central Park, New York

all the songs about New York

subway stations (in use)

subway stations (abandoned)

sandwiches in office desk top drawers

framed family photographs

graphic design software (outdated)

motherboards

motherfuckers

adult toys (used)

adult toys (in their original packaging)

pornographic films on outdated media

cum stains

unidentified various other stains on carpets

unidentified various other stains on bedsheets

Jackson Pollock postcard books

museum shop inventory

art books

fridge magnets

industrial strength magnets

non-functioning credit cards

card games (lost)

gambling addiction self-help books (unread)

slot machines (digital display)

slot machines (old-fashioned)

small towns in Nevada

rattle snakes

rattle snake venom in test tubes (unlabeled)

text results

high school exams (archived)

university exams (archived)

cheat sheets

unbelievably small writing on tiny pieces of paper

elementary school art projects

balls of yarn

half-finished knitting projects

projects (finished, archived)

projects (unfunded)

projects (half-finished, unfunded)

lost funding applications

missed opportunities

unsustainable politics

Porsches

Jaguars

Maybachs

car wrecks

corrupt politics

propaganda films

debt (unpaid)

debt (paid)

debt (undiscovered)

ruins (ancient temples)

ruins (roman cities)

ruins (of the heart)

historic inaccuracies

old history books (scribbled on)

newer history books (unread)

book shops (empty)

shelves (empty)

elves (imaginary)

Christmas ornaments

broken fairy lights

sparklers (moist, unusable)

sparklers (burned down)

candle stumps

Donald Trump's possessions (complete)

Donald Trump's secret regrets

Disneyworld

princess costumes (all sizes)

tiaras

beauty pageant sashes

beauty pageant prizes

hair styling products (bottles and cans, half empty)

wigs

human hair everywhere

Hair (the musical)

Broadway productions on VHS cassettes

shattered dreams

Jazz bands

music instruments (unplayed)

instrumental recordings for karaoke purposes

karaoke machines

the machines that took our jobs

robots

reboots of bad 90s sitcoms

all seasons of „Full House“

photographs of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Hansi Hinterseer's discarded fur boots of 10 years

annual festivals of the past and their documentation

ferris wheels

rollercoasters

coasters (used, stained)

coasters (mint condition, collector's item)

stale beer on the bottom of recycling bottles

the smell of cold cigarette smoke in apartments

cigarette butts

butts of men (in magazines)

butts of women (in magazines)

butts of babies (on diaper boxes)

boxing rings

storage boxes (empty, folded)

storage boxes (full, archived)

shipping containers (empty)

shipping containers (full)

container ships (in the port)

container ships (out at sea)

ghost ships

places of worship

war ships (sunken)

pirate costumes (men, long pants & shirt)

pirate costumes (women, short skirt & bikini top)

thinkpieces about sexim in the media

your ancestors' hateful internet comments

the entire comment section of the every newspaper article

your ancestors' sexts (archived)

your ancestors' selfies (archived)

self portraits in oil

self portraits in acrylics

self conscious behavior (inherited)

behavioral science

pseudo science

awkward silence (memories of)

conspiracy theories (books)

conspiracy theory online forums (archived)

con artists' legacies

ligatures (graphic symbols, sheet music)

symbols of success

„success“

succulents on window sills

silly jokes (books)

egg yolks (bottled, for cooking purposes, expired)

expectations

expecting mothers

excommunicated christians

Christian Slater

communes (failed)

communist ideals

ideas (vague)

ideas (brilliant)

ideas (bad)

sadness

the Loch Ness Monster („Nessie“)

the monsters under the bed

bedbugs (billions)

bug spray (cans, empty)

bug spray (cans, half full)

spray tans (faded)

tanning studios

waxing studios

wax museums (melted)

tuna melt (rotten)

ice cream (liquid)

ice caps (liquid)

capsized boats (empty)

everything you tried on for size

more lies

beauty that lies in the exe of the beholder

bee holders

bee keepers (deceased)

bees (few)

queen bees (rare)

Beyonce Knowles

everyone's wedding rings

fake flowers

gazebos

county recorder's offices

paper clips

push pins

pin cushions

inflated air bags

more cars

all the cars

fallen stars (metaphorical)

metaphors

metaphysics

physical exams

physically ill feelings

feelings (assorted)

eels (smoked)

smoker's lungs

smoke stacks

stacks of receipts

stacks of printer paper (empty white)

white privilege

white pride (dispose of upon delivery)

neo nazis (return to sender)

old nazis (return to sender)

education deficits

defecating old dogs

cats

apes

zoos

escaped feral cats

spiders (small)

spiders (large)

spiders (poisonous)

more spiders than you have ever dreamed of

nightmares (ongoing)

night terrors

light errors

fatal errors

fatalities

fathers

grandfathers

everyone's family tree (sketched on paper)

groundbreaking ideas (sketched on a napkin)

earthquakes

quakers

ducks

zero fucks

xerox machines

fax machines

sex robots

mixtapes (1997 – 2004)

tape recorders

duct tape (apply to all items on list)

conductors

doctors

an extensive collection of Doc Martens' boots

boot straps (pull yourself up by them)

strap-ons (used)

strap-ons (in their original packaging)

strippers (all ages)

strings

string theory

trees struck by lightning

light snacks (mouldy)

quarterbacks

sixpacks (anatomical)

sixpacks (alcoholic)

guilt trips

road trips (various routes)

cities built for cars

cities of angels

Paris

Vienna

Beirut

Baghdad

Winterfell

Twin Peaks

FBI agents from television

CIA agents from television

everyone's fictional friends

„Friends“

dead ends (literal)

alive beginnings

second innings

Elle Fanning

fans (the cooling kind)

air conditioners (large numbers, broken)

hair conditioner (bottles, almost empty)

missionaries

evangelists

protestants

protests

prolapsed uterus

everyone's uterus (return to rightful owner)

ovaries (assorted)

the oval office

office parties

team building exercises

exercise routines

Tina Belcher

a bunch of farts

lots of old farts

–-----

a bouquet of burps

a collection of mistakes

a box of embarrassments

harrassment

murder threats

rape threats

thread (polyester)

polyamory

pole dancing

polls

pomp and circumstance

circumcision

precision

measurements in centimeters and inches

The Grinch

David Lynch

a pinch of salt

things entirely uncalled for

bird calls

casting calls

casts (from broken bones of the past, smelly)

boners (of the past)

unpleasant smells (ongoing)

pheasants

saints (various)

fairytals

gods (assorted)

the remains of the vatican

a can of worms

a can of worm holes

holy shit

several halos

warm „hello“s of the past

pasta asciutta

pasta cabonara

carbon emissions

caribous

car parks

park life!

Life support

no financial support

airports (badly designed & cheaply made)

Air Drop

droppings (various animals)

dropping the bass

fishing rods

Rod Stewart

wart remedies (over the counter, expired)

everyone's collected tiredness

wafers (blessed)

wine (red, white, rosé)

vineyards

a book of stories about Jesus

store-bought birthday cakes (mouldy)

icing in twelve pastel colors

the color spectrum

everyone's racist relatives

a relatively nice sibling

a reasonably okay grandfather

the Heimatbund

the KKK (entirely)

everyone's fear of change, combined

Erdbeer Combino

Childish Gambino

Adriano Celentano

The Sopranos

a bowl of luke warm soup

bowling balls (be careful)

someone always scratching their balls in front of you

so many white men, butthurt

severe menstrual cramps

blood, so much blood

itching

bitching

kitsch

tits (anatomical)

tits (birds)

kids, raised well

kids from hell

a burning sensation

sensational journalism

your teenage journals

aging dictators (still too loud)

violations in human rights

violets, blues, and whites

a disregard for women

a disregard for people of color

things regarding disregard

loops (looped)

hoop earrings caught in knitted sweaters

winter weather (blizzards)

all frozen sidewalks

„Frozen“

frostbite and lost toes and fingers

avalanches (unexpected)

tourists (impatient)

Volkstümlicher Schlager

silent cries for help

darkness (endless)